About

For K.. I don't know I don't know. K, I have a lot of pent up feelings for you. I wouldn't normally resort to posting on the fucking internet about them but I do value my job. It's a shitty job but it's the stepping stone to being the richest man you've ever fucking known, so I need it. Not much longer, but I need it now. I really want to talk to you again, K. I know so little about you; I'm not even sure if your name begins with a K or a C. What little you told me before I you away I remember every bit of. The stupid cats. The drinking, the television, the lack of . The boyfriend, the hair, I remember things I've heard in passing about your car, your mother, everything I valued. The thing is, I'm not sure if you want to talk to me. Rather I know you do, somewhere, but is it better for me to stay away? If I want to keep this shitty job it is, I'm certain. You've shown me a minute amount of affection--something I will always remember and value. The sorting, the blushing when I asked you to spend time with me. These things in the end don't amount to much, and whether you are waiting for the or not I can't risk losing my job by making that gamble. I'm not going to talk to you, K. If that's what you want, and you know this is me, all you need do is shy away as per course. I want to make something clear; I didn't ask her to ask you out on purpose, I can't understand a thing she says. Trust me I much prefer verbal communication to secondary relays. I assume it was that which finally drove you to assume I am going to needlessly pursue you and thus shy away, but that's not the case. I value you more than you could know but without at least one more sign of approval I cannot continue and must assume the worst, for my own benefit. I remember the first day you walked in. I thought you were new of course but you were just returning apparently because your boy couldn't take care of you like he ought to. I remember thinking "My God, she is beautiful. I need to talk to her." I'm going to delve into some stuff I don't think you'd appreciate because I'm sure you don't read this shit anyways and the only way you'll find out is some dork at work. I'm a lot more than I let on, K. Saying that, I would stab God in the throat if I thought I had a chance at eternal true love. That's why I dismissed it when we talked, I wanted nothing more than you to enjoy the convo. Of course all you took from it was 'buttplay' but I didn't get that you wanted me to delve into that immediately. I've been doing a lot of tarot recently. Nothing too big, just online, but I have the decks etc and I do honestly believe there's something to it. It's revealed a lot of swords for you, K. Towards me. Are you truly trying to hurt me, to dismiss me? After that blushing I just cannot be sure, but know that every day I attempted to talk to you the tarot suggested such. I'm really just venting here. No one wants to hear me gush about you now that you're old news, but I am absolutely infatuated with you. I dream of ways to impress you. Do you have dreams about me, K? I constantly wonder what I could possibly do to drag you that one closer inch to hanging out then being with me. I promise it would only take one day before we both declared our love for eachother. I have never been so immediately struck by someone as you, K. If I had even one second to truly speak to you I am positive you would reciprocate. That brings me to the end though, I understand if you cannot. I can move on, K, if somehow you read this and decide it isn't as grand as you thought, great. I am a true human, constantly changing and flowing from one part to the next. Know that I appreciate you babying my little crush enough to support my emotions for a good while, but don't speak to me if you don't want anything else. As I said, I won't to you.

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